Holiday scenes often conjure up the soft glow of twinkle lights in neighborhood windows, warmly illuminated Christmas trees and Menorahs, and idyllic landscapes of snow-covered countryside. All of these things create an atmosphere of perfection that promises love, hope, and fellowship without conflict.
Managing Holiday expectations is difficult because it is so easy to get caught up in the "image" of the Holidays. That warm glow of Holiday cheer can become an unforgiving spotlight on every aspect of your life that is not living up to the ideal. Here are some common examples:
SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS
Many experience feelings of loneliness and depression during the Holidays. Some have conflictual, distant, or no relationships with family while others have a loving family but find it difficult to cultivate friendships or romantic relationships. Whatever the case, the Holidays have a distinct way of pressing our attachment buttons like no other time throughout the year.
COPING: First off, give yourself a HUGE break and normalize the fact that nobody can ever live up to having ideal relationships in every walk of life. We all struggle with balancing social attachments at every level. If you struggle with a conflictual relationship with mom, perhaps it would benefit having a plan and defining some personal boundaries before/after the Holiday dinner gathering. If you have very little or no family and friends, it is critical to get out and engage with others when possible. A great way to do this is to give back to the community. There are many charities that need willing and able volunteers in the days leading up to (and during) Christmas. These organizations can be found online or at your local community center.
FINANCES
Over the past few years many working families have been hit hard by the economic downturn. Money problems are a huge trigger for anxiety, depression, and addictive behavior. Holiday expectations of expensive gifts combined with rampant credit accounts and incessant marketing campaigns create a pressure cooker that many families cannot escape. Some folks end up injured or in jail on Black Friday, and many end up paying for this year's gifts next year or the year after that.
COPING: The bottom line is the bottom line. If you cannot afford it, do not buy it. Your kids, family, friends will still love you. You also don't have to buy something for everyone. Give yourself the challenge to be creative this year. Keep track of your plastic, and do something for yourself that reduces stress and costs nothing, like a walk or a warm bath.
ASKING FOR HELP
Sometimes the emotional weight of the Holiday can become too great to bear. It is okay to seek help, and there are many options out there. The key is to stay connected even when you feel like isolating. 12 step meetings like AA, NA, and AL ANON are free and offer help to people tempted to use substances to cope (I like http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org as a starting point). Another option is seeking personal treatment to help guide you through the tough times. At Open Paths, we offer affordable treatment options, including options that take selected health insurance plans (http://www.openpaths.org).
IT WILL GET BETTER
No matter how difficult the Holiday gets, please reach out to someone if you are considering harming yourself. Call someone immediately. There is help. It will get better when you reach out for help. The national suicide hotline is (800) 273-8255 and the Los Angeles area hotline is (877) 727-4747. You can also dial 911 or go to your local emergency room if you are in crisis.
Blog contributor Niki Moore is a BBS registered Intern #IMF 68104 being Supervised at Open Paths Counseling Center by LMFT Kristen Faris MFC 42665. Open Paths offers services on a sliding-scale basis depending on your net income. The mission is to provide affordable, accessible treatment to the community in English and Spanish. If you are dealing with issues that might be helped through talk therapy go to http://openpaths.org.
