By Hanako S. Lee -
Do you feel uncomfortable in social situations? Are you afraid of being judged? Do you worry about being embarrassed, criticized, or rejected? Do you end up alone, isolating yourself because of these fears? If these questions describe how you feel much of the time, you are probably struggling with social anxiety or shyness, a very real and difficult issue that many people deal with. I would like to introduce a therapeutic approach to help reduce your social anxieties. This approach is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which is known to be an effective treatment.
Step 1:
Let’s begin by making a list of any social situations you’ve been avoiding because of your anxiety or fear. First, divide a piece of paper into four columns with the following headings: SITUATION, AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, and PHYSICAL SENSATIONS. We will call this paper your “Mindfulness Log.” Think of a situation that causes you social anxiety and imagine yourself in that situation. Write it down on the mindfulness log. When you think about the situation, your mind might be full of negative thinking, such as: “everyone will judge me, the worst case scenario will come true, if I fail I’ll lose my job, I can’t pay my bills, I will lose my house and I have nowhere to go, etc. These are your automatic negative thoughts. How about your feelings? Do you have any other feelings such as anger or sadness rather than anxiety? Now, see if you notice any physical sensations such as sweaty palms, dry mouth or a racing heartbeat? Don’t be afraid of your feelings. You don’t have to repress your feelings or change your thinking. If you try to repress your feelings, you end up putting more pressure on yourself by telling yourself “I should not have these feelings,” or, “I must stop feeling this way.” See if you can simply notice what is going on in your mind and body, and be with that experience in a non-judgmental way.
Step 2:
Go ahead and pick a situation that you may feel a little bit intimidated by, but maybe able to manage, such as to talking to a cashier or eating alone in public. Let’s actually try to accomplish that challenge. It’s important to start slow and not push yourself too much. As you did on the practiced in Step 1, notice what you are thinking, feeling, and sensing before, during, and after you are go through the challenging situation. Then, write these aspects of your experience down on your mindfulness log. Remember, it is OK even if things don’t go as you expect or want. Give yourself some credit because you’ve done something very difficult. Ask yourself what you learned from the experience. Did you notice what caused the most anxiety or fear? Don’t rush the process! It may take a while, but remember, you just took a giant step for yourself!
If you continue to increase your awareness of your thinking, feelings, and physical sensations, you will develop a clearer understanding of areas of challenge, tolerance, and capability in dealing with your anxiety. It’s important to commit to taking risks and to keep challenging your anxiety little by little. With your mental preparations and experience, you will build your self-confidence over a period of time. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. However, if you continue to practice these steps and cultivate awareness of your mind and body, eventually you will reduce the anxiety you feel.
If you’re interested in joining our Social Anxiety Therapy and Support Group, we meet every Monday at 7pm. This weekly group is held at Open Paths Counseling Center and is facilitated by registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern Hanako Lee [Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #66281 under supervision by Kristen Farish, LMFT MFC#42665] and Danny Chazanas [Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #74768 under supervision by Nancy Sisti, LMFT MFC#39677.] Feel free to contact us for more information about the group at 424-258-4889 (Hanako) or 323-577-3430 (Danny).
Open Paths Counseling Center offers services on a sliding-scale fee basis depending on your net income. The center’s mission is to provide affordable, accessible treatment to the community in both English and Spanish. If you are struggling with issues that you believe might be helped through talk therapy, feel free to contact us. Learn more at our website: http://openpaths.org.
