Parents: Time to Talk Birds and Bees

No one would argue that the evolution of technology has drastically changed our lives, and in many ways, for the better. And I doubt that an argument could be made against the old saying that “sex sells.”  It is the merging of these two truths that’s made me an astute observer of our cultural changes and the effects on teens and families, both as a mom and a professional.

As a women’s health clinician, health educator and sex counselor, I am well aware of the statistics on sexual activity, teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and a host of other consequences of adolescent behavior. As the mother of a teen, I began observing what is a new day for our Culver City teens and preteens: constant yet shallow contact posing as communication, instant gratification and a concern that they were never alone with their own thoughts.  Can we say Facebook anyone?

I often wonder about the impact of technology.  How is it changing the way teens think, act, learn, communicate? It seems to me that the constant “connectivity,” multi-tasking and instant gratification must be having an effect. What used to be a slow development of sexuality is now happening sooner, more quickly and more intensely. Think about the vast difference between “Playboy” and hard core Internet pornography. Once upon a time, getting a hold of porn required a trip to an adult bookstore, now our kids can get what they want with a mere click.

Sexual messages bombard us; they're all over the social networking sites, skulking within the scripts of teen television shows, and screaming at our kids in popular culture.  Porn is accessible—not to mention very popular—and sexting abounds. And at the same time, kids are warned about the dangers of sex and told not to engage in sexual behavior until they are married. Confusing and mixed messages that are accompanied by misinformation, social pressure, raging hormones and an undeveloped ability to understand consequences. And kids are not exempt, even in our idyllic Culver City.

Solution?

We as parents and community members cannot control what others want to tell our kids. But we can counter that with accurate and supportive information and discussions. How else will they learn about healthy relationships and the role sex plays within them? We know from multiple studies that teens who have an adult they feel comfortable talking to about sex will delay its initiation, and that the delay can drastically reduce many of the associated risks.

I ask you to share your sexual values with your kids your family—yes, I know it is awkward and strange on both ends. Speak honestly and openly. Use those very important “teachable moments” that arise–turn the media messages into lessons. To assist in the discussion, Marni Parsons and I have teamed up to give a presentation and lead a discussion that covers the ways in which media and technology are affecting many aspects of our children’s lives and will offer some strategies for reducing the risks they pose. Remember that in regards to “having the talk,” it is never too early, but sadly, could be too late.

Jade Singer is a Culver City mom, physician's assistant and sex counselor. To attend her workshop Thursday called "Let's Talk Teens," email coachmarni@coach4parents.com. will be hosting the event from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.